Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
