So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
