Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
