exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
