those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
