I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
