At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
