I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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