Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
