did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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