Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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