Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
