Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
