when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
