your thong is hanging out like whoa
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
