You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
