im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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