i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
