It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
