She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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