He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's on the porch naked. Help.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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