i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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