Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just want nice things and good sex
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
