just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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