Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
