I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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