Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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