my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
