so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
