Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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