I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
