I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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