i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
