idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize