are you still at the devil's house?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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