from now on my penis is your penis
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
