Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
