I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
