So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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