my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize