We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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