Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
