I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
