The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
