pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
