Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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