but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
