yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's never too late to be topless.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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