My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
