Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
