tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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