i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
17 year olds will be the death of me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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