Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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