Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
