can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
