So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
