when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i drank out of a bidet.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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