And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
