nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
