So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
