he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
tequila makes me forget i have legs
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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