i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
