my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
