Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
