you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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